I have never felt more divine than when your tongue is inside me,
Ascension feels almost too real when you touch me
I don’t believe in God,
But it’s tempting to get onto my hands and knees to beg for more.
Your fingertips must be graced by the Holy Spirit
Because nothing has ever felt so blessed.
Church is something that I do not attend,
Yours, I would gladly attend every Sunday.
I will just have to repent another day
Right now, I am very content with sinning.
Sometimes I would pray to God that you would die.
I would have acted all shocked, and grief stricken –
Below the surface, I would’ve believed it was just God,
Looking out for one of his children.
It never happened
God didn’t answer my prayers,
You get to roam free, and I’m stuck here
Who would I have turned into if you hadn’t gotten to me?
Give me back what was rightfully mine
Tainted and ruined,
A hallow shell, 16 year old self withered away
Lost to the hands of a boy,
Who hit like a man.
I’m the future mother of his children,
Desperately wanting to fill me with his seed and see what becomes of us
I refuse to fill the emptiness deep within him.
Confusions of love and lust,
If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t only be saying it when he’s inside me.
Saying ‘I love you’ is just dirty talk to him.
I want to be the star of the show
I want the adoring audience,
Who will clap & cheer as I move on stage.
I want to feel worthy of the praise, of the love
I demand to be loved
No, you’re right –
I’m too much, too melodramatic
I’m the easy child, the go with the flow child
I’ll resume my role as the stage help,
The understudy as I watch her assume the role of the star
She has your attention, but I deserve it more
Damnit, why do I have to put on an elaborate show just to get you to look my way?
I’ve done everything you ask, everything I do is for you
And I can’t even get a simple ‘proud of you’?
I’m tired of living for you, through you
I’m sorry you’re so scared of a 30 year old drama queen
Scared to show a sliver of affection for me, my life.
I’ll put on the best damn show,
I’ll command the stage, the audience the way I please
I’ll get a standing ovation, everything I deserve
I demand to be loved, but it’s okay if it’s not by you.
A slap felt like a caress,
Delicate feeling, a mother’s touch.
Let me crawl back into you
Give it another nine months,
We can try this again.
My name is Helen McCormick. I am a third year at UC main campus with majors in Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies, and English with a focus in cultural studies. I truly have no idea what I want to do with my majors, but the hope is to end up helping my communities and people. In my free time, I stream on twitch so I play a lot of video games and I read frequently. I love hanging out with my spouse and our two pets, Freya and Lana.